it would seem everyone in the world is obsessed with sex, either that or I'm just hanging out with the wrong people lately.
it's funny when you're not getting any, it seems like pretty much everyone else is.
Alright I know not everyone is. I could name a few who aren't getting any either, but it just seems like everywhere I turn today it's KAMBLAM! sex. (no, not sex feature cartoons from the Nicklodean show. Thank God, cause.....ewwwwww.)
it's not like I couldn't go out and get it if I wanted it. but I don't know, somehow some meaningless one night stand isn't it. (one of those many things that makes me not a guy..... hmmm that could be sexist but I'm going with the stereo-type there.) besides who likes slutty guys? I don't. There has to be some sort of challenge there or what's the point.
I think this is what gets me in trouble... the challenge aspect of it all. it sets me off to go after guys who probably don't like me anyway.
on the upside I was informed by the roomate's friend that (name of person here) has dated girls much less attractive than I. and the ones that "share" information with him sing (name of person here)'s praises in matters of behind closed doors and between sheets. not that I'm worried about that at this minute since that whole we've only talked for five seconds on one occasion thing and he has no idea who I am. but it's good to know all the same.
I'm thinking I'm onto something new, well new for me, because other girls have seemed to have known this for years, but no more of these supposed "smart" people. I'm not saying I'm looking for a himbo or anything but I've been dating all these people with soft jobs who don't know how to do anything with their hands.
I guess if I was gonna have an application for a boyfriend a big thing on there would be something along the lines of could you build me a bookcase? can you change my oil? can you kill a snake on my patio? (roomate and friend said "Now (name of person here) he would have killed the snake, he's just that kinda of guy.")
Well that's the kind of guy I want. to add it to my growing list of traits.... I'm flexible but I'm pretty darn sure what I want these days.
1. good looking (call me shallow, but so many times after the fact I've looked back and was blinded by what I thought was someone's personality only to find "yikes! he was unattractive"
2. stable. as in no more guys who live with their parents or don't own a bed or something like that. (I know guys who still live with their parents who are wonderful people who I love dearly. don't get me wrong.)
3. intelligent. If I guy can't have a conversation with me forget it. I want to be able to have discussions about things and even if we don't agree he can tell me why he thinks hwhat he thinks without using phrases like "You know what I mean." ect because if you have to say "You know what I mean." I probably don't know what you mean and I just think you're dumb because you can't explain to me what you mean. Articulate is nice
4. Funny. No explaination here. I'm a total goober.
5. confidence without arrogance. this is a huge one. I don't want a snivelling wimp, but I don't want some puffed up chest of a guy who thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread. There is nothing sexier than a guy who knows his strengths and weaknesses.
6. character. kind of broad, I know. I don't like people who lie, or cheat, or steal. or people who stand by and let other people do awful things. I want someone who is willing to put their neck out and say flat out, even to me, "You're being an asshole and you need to chill." should the occasion occur. No doormats who let people pull shit. There is something to be said for manners. And a guy who has respect for me i gonna get my vote anyday. The flip side of it is also if someone's thinking about me I want to know. if someone likes me or feels nice thigs about me he should tell me and not be a big plucked chicken about it (I'm such a hypocrite when it comes to this because I have a hard time telling anyone that I'm thinking about them for fear of being labeled psycho)
7. the most elusive thing of all, chemistry. because with out some sparks what's the point? what makes people have chemistry? I wish I knew, I could make a fortune!
I know I'm aiming high, but my settling days are over. I'm tired of looking back in regret at my past realtionships and thinking I was just with someone because I was lonely and they aren't what I really wanted at all.
of course it's probably stupid for me to lay it all out like this since last time I did someone manufactured the perfect guy for me and it was one of the most single handedly devestating moments of my entire life. To find out I was betrayed like that, talk about having your heart ripped out. I can't understand how anyone, even you hate someone could do that. It's done and past but I really wish I knew conclusively who was behind it all. to tie up lose ends and have a big old helping of piece of mind. I think I know but I would love to have irrifutable evidence because I don't want to think that anyone is capable of doing something like that.
ah well it's a pretty common knowledge story. never just flat out said in quite that way. I don't know if I'll ever tell it all here with names and dates. Mostly because it still hurts a lot. and like I said before, without hard evidence it's not fair to name names. I guess I should just be happy to think that I probably know and not worry about it anymore. but I would like to know for certain. I would love for the person who did it to admit it. but that will never happen, not even if hell froze over. be it who I think or someone else.