I think Science Gal is going into retirement. and I'm on the run. I just don't have the patience for this shit. and all those movies and television shows that paint dating and relationships as fun I have this to say to you... fuck off. I'm not having fun. I either need to give up the dating or find a boyfriend. and I have yet to find a suitable candidate for a boyfriend so it looks like giving up would be my best option.
I had a candiate but mostly he just feels like a figment of my imagination. I cut him loose. Like seriously cut him loose this morning. I just can't stand not getting what I want anymore. it's being waved under my nose and then being snatched away. I want him to fight me on this, have him ask me for another chance, have him pull out all the stops some last win effort to win my attention. I know that won't happen. the real world doesn't work that way. this is not a romance novel where the girl pulls away and the boy chases her. I know this. but I have to pull away before I really get myself hurt. because all this hope is being built up, and I don't want to be smothered in the avalanche of dissapointment that is sure to come. from the beginning little flurries have been flying all around me but I ignored them, blindly wanting to believe.... but the flurries are becoming hail and it's time I took cover. am I wimp? yes. a pessimist? yes. an idiot? probably. is it too late? most certainly. I'll stick to my one sided from afar crushes and be content with those. because this other stuff is too dangerous for me to play with.
You know what I really need to get me.... a booty call.