I am completely and totally torn between making some sort of descion.
how do I play this?
it's like this on one hand I keep seeing Tardy. Do I think things will suddenly work out? Is he going to suddenly grow up? I don't know.
and yet I keep meeting other people. I don't seek them out. I'm not looking for anyone they just keep to seem finding me. and you know what? no one measures up. no one makes me feel inside the way I feel about him. Crazy ain't it?
maybe I'm just not giving anyone else a chance. I know he's not the one. I know he's not the end all be all so that would be nuts for to not give anyone else a chance.
I told Mr B&B it was because he was safe. Fuck if I know if that's true or not. he's not safe. not entirely. he has the ability to crush my heart in a moments notice, or so it would seem. Does that mena I'm in love with him? how would I know the only thing I ever thought was anything close to love was a fat fuck head who informed me I was an embarrassment to him and his life. how could I ever love anyone like that? I couldn't. I was obviously mistaken. I seem to be mistaken about people a alot. maybe that's why I should doubt myself now. everyone lies to me, everyone hurts me. hell, my so called best friend did her worst and I walked away. ok so my heart was ripped to shreds and I didn't know how ot trust anyway but I'm still standing. what can tardy do to me really? if I love him, what can he do to me?