Good thing I have nothing to do today because I didn't want to get out of bed. I just laid there listening to the battery on my cellphone die. now I have that too much sleep headache.
I have too many things rolling around in my head. so many questions. about those boys in my life at the moment. about my friends. about all this stupid sticky situations I seem to get myself into. and all the situations that I just imagine. I always end up feelings like I owe people something, when in truth I don't owe them jack shit.
Like with the new boy and the old boy. I feel like I we the old boy another chance. not that he really deserves it and the new boy I'm trying to give hima chance too but I can't give them a chance at the same time. well I could but I would feel guilty even if they both knew I was seeing other people I would still feel bad.
then there is this other thing, it drives me crazy. I can't even talk about it, but if I throw myself into traffic anytime soon that will be the reason. *disclaimer: I will not be throwing myself into traffic anytime soon.* it's just hard and frustrating and I'm trying not to let things get to me in general, but when you're pushed. *disclaimer: no one is pushing me into traffic either, and no I'm still not throwing myself.*
sometimes I wonder just how much more can I screw up my life? honestly, I've had to move back home I'm always broke I hate my job.
am I as sure about liking the new boy as I was before I saw him yesterday? no. he said something he did somethings that made me think that maybe I was painting a mental picture of him that was a little prettier than the real deal..... I don't know. I like him. he seems to like me, alot. at least physically. but I really dont' think we're looking for the same thing and if that is the case why bother to get involved.
and there is the old boy. he's a flake pure and simple. and odd. but I like him too. he swears up and down he likes me though he acts like he doesn't. he confuses the hell out of me. I actually almost asked him why are you talking to me? what do you want? I thought maybe he wanted a late night booty call, but that turned out to not be the case. he just wanted to talk to me a little. and we went through the same thing we always go through which is the old, "do you want to see me again?" and both decide yes we want to see each other again.
if I was smart I'd dump both of them because neither of them are gonna be jumping into a relationship anytime soon, but instead I'm just sit here going "what am I gonna do?
I suck.
I also wonder how Jason is doing. he never responded to my apology. oh well maybe it's for the best.