this has been a year of change.... a year of life spring cleaning. life spring cleaning? you ask.... like spring cleaning... only instead of your house you clean up your life. cut the dead weight, spruce up the good stuff.
it'll be offical when the letter hits his mailbox that my dad is out of my life. my mom wrote him this letter.... it was brutal. I thought about posting it up here for everyone to see but decided against it. when I get a copy of it from my mom I may send it to the girls cause because it's pretty awesome..... it's what my mom calls a "thank you" letter.... everyone one in the world should hope my mother never has anything to "thank" you for. she went off on him for basically never taking the time to get to know me and for not being a better father than his father was.... and she pulled the worse one of all which was "Your mother would be ashamed of you" you have to understand that my Nana was like the patron saint of sweetness and light... she died of cancer over ten years ago now and when she died she had pictures of all of the grandkids spread out on the bed around her.... she was wonderful.... and my mother is right she would be ashamed of him.
I'm so glad I didn't have to say those things. honestly it should have ben me and not her..... it's on my behalf that she is so angry with him but I just couldn't do it.
I've cut so much dead weight this year.... the so cal crew in general my mother described them as drips on the phone today which made me laugh..... Chris she had a little something to say about him too but it's so bad I can't even repeat it..... Kristen..... my dad.... I feel lighter I guess. the dad thing is still pretty raw and it will be, probably for a long time.... the rest of it just feels good. like a fresh start only surrounded by familar things...... I know who my friends are and I trust them, I may not be in the ideal living situation but at least I'm not living in fear like I was, I don't love my job but I'm good at it and I'm making money, and the boy thing will work itself out...... I hope. in total...... things are not so bad. I'm a little sad, things are not exactly how I want them but I still can get by with a little smirk on my face instead of a frown. dunno trying to think positively.... I'm new at this so bare with me.
and I'm finally getting my big bed next week..... whoo hoo! and it's not so bad I have no one to share it with because in my current living situation I can't share it with anyone anyways....
hmmm may have to go get 7 up because I think I need to toast myself with a vodka and 7 up.... yes indeed.