I'm so ticked right now. not like scream and throw things mad. just frustrated.
Some people just don't get things. either that or they just don't want to get it. I don't know.
I've had this diary for awhile and I'm fairly good about keeping up with it... ok a little too good but I have no real life so lets not talk about it.
there are very few people who know where it is beyond the girls and Diana who doesn't read it unless I say go read (which is neither here nor there). I used to give out the link for a very short period of time. which I no longer do.
the only way to find my diary is to go look for it. or if one of the girls gives someone a link to thiers and they follow it to mine. which is no big deal if it's not someone I know.
Chances are if it's someone I know I might have talked about them here whih puts me in a possible sticky situation depending on what I might have said about them or about someone they know. now usually I don't really give a fuck what I've said because usually what I think of someone is pretty common knowledge, but everyone once and awhile it something I don't voice out loud anywhere but here. honestly I can't remeber the things I may have said here or not said and who I said them about so I get a tad freaked when I find out someone I actually know has been reading my diary without my knowledge. and that it's someone I don't want reading my diary had I been given a choice in the matter.
but of course it doesn't matter who I want or don't want to read my diary because here it is a public diary. I guess it's different if someone just finds it I can't stop them, but when someone hands out engraved invitations to people I don't trust to read my personal stuff. Well I get steamed. too late now.
so to make sure that whoever I give my link to. which is no one, but should I decide to give my link to someone they'll have to work to get to someone else they might know's diary I took down my links.
again comes the question of taking down my diary here. as much as I love it's become less for me and now I have to think about who is reading far too much and I can't say what I really think about things because I might hurt someone's feelings or something.
the whole point of this thing was anaminty was suppose to keep your privacy. but I'm not ananomous anymore (ah but I'm still a bad speller) my ex boyfriend has read it without out my permission, his friends, people I vowed to have nothing to do with again have read it, Jason found it at one point.........
I've been kicking it around to leave this diary. I don't want to but maybe I need to. to have somewhere where I can say what I really think instead of some watered down version to save someone else's feelings. but then no one could ever have the link...... keeping it here makes me say things in a way that I can hope I won't regret them later because I have to think about what I'm gonna say and do and how it'll effect the people that I know that are reading.
if I moved and then someone found my diary there well I would be screwed. I don't think the people around me understand at all, about how I think. how my brain works.
well this just ruined my day. sometimes you want to think the best about a bad situation. that you want to think that someone just didn't think before they did something, that they wouldn't intentionally do something that might put you in a bad position and then when you ask them about it. it wasn't that they weren't thinking it was just that they didn't care what position it put you in. that's pretty dissapointing. *sigh*
and of course I'll be the one who'll end up apologizing and making nice because I'm always the one who apologizes and makes nice.
that's just how this works everyone has their roles and we all have to play accordingly. for now I play what's expected of me.