I've calmed down a little. It was just fleeting moment of terror.
I know I did the right thing for me but sometimes the right thing is wee bit scary. Funny, I used to post there because I only wanted certain people to see it and this week I've posted here because I didn't want certain people to see it. Ah, how life comes full circle.
I could reiterate my arms and trains thing here but that would just be silly. it was only half coherant over there, though..... in some ways I am rather proud of it. not because it's some brilliant piece of writing but because on personal aspect look how far I've come.
life is a never ending cycle. up, down, same story, new characters.... and yet sort of the same people tweaked to fit an oddly similar situation. Only everytime you're a little bit smarter as you spin around grasping for the brass ring.
I read a journal of a boy I had a crush on 4 years ago, 5 years ago.... the boy that I found this through..... I never really knew anything about him but that he liked Rilo Kiley. Takes you back a little.
Things aren't so different in the black and white sense but in a grey scale we're somewhere over in pink. When you only look in forward or backward I haven't moved so far in my life. the up, the down and the diagonial..... I'm light years away.
I'll always be the same person. Always.
but I won't throw up my arms anymore. I'll walk lighter. speak softer. expect more. tolerate less. Hold back but give more. I'm not the same and yet I am.... it's Groundhog's day though instead of it being a day it's groundhog's five years....... if I must do it once more I will but please lets get on with the new. If there is new. Oh, please, oh please, let there be new.
Though you know if there is not new, there is better. And it really gets only more amazingly better and less damaging every time.