I feel wrong. It's more than just being sick. Something is just not right in the universe... a disturbance in the force if you will.
I want something and I don't know what it is. It's like being hungry opening the fridge and nothing looks good. You know there is something that would look good but whatever it is it's not in *your* refridgerator....... more than likely it's in *someone else's* fridge.
This date tomorrow, I don't want to go. This Joe guy seems nice enough and all seems to like me, but he's in my fridge. Jason on the other hand isn't in anyone's fridge, he's in the grocery store.... I don't know I can't come up with a good metaphore here I suck.
I told him I have a date on friday I also let him know he could be my date for Saturday.... I haven't heard anything back. Knowing him as well as I don't, I very well may not hear anything. again with the unreliable. I just want someone who excites me but is relaible and stable. I can have both right? I want someone who thinks I'm amazing and that I find just as amazing. I want my heart to trip over itself when I look them or when they say something to me that I've wanted to hear. Jason has a lot of these things going for him..... just not the dependibilty I'm looking for. I just can't spend anymore nights staring at the ceiling thinking "well I haven't heard frm him in two weeks what the fuck is going on." I wasted all my patience for that on Eric.
when I laid down for my nap I thought about Jason today, mainly because I was feeling so lousy. I was wondering if he's the kind of boy who would take care of a girl when she's sick. mostly because I wish someone would take care of me right now. when I moved to LA the first time and I was living alone I got really sick and Chris came and took care of me. he just showed up after work one day with soup and hockey magazines. I remember we curled up on my little bitty twin sized bed and slept. I don't think we were even together right then, it's one of the few nice memories I have.
look at me getting all stupid and sentimental.
it's almost 2 I should go to bed.... I have to work tomorrow. I promised I wouldn't call in sick. I couldn't, even if I wanted to, because there is an ad to be set. calling in sick makes me feel guilty...... yea I get ribbed on all the time for being such a good employee.