I've been bowled over by waves of nostalgia. Nostalgia for everything....... everyone I've ever known. I'm full of a feeling that I could call every person I've ever known in my entire life and say "Hey how ya been doing?" and answer with "Well that's just swell." without a hint of irony. And I do mean everyone. (Yes, even you. You person who knows who you are.)
Everything still sucks but I don't care. Whatever has happened has happened for a reason and I just can't bring myself to care.
I can not drive in that neighborhood anymore. I just want to yell... "You're so stupid, can't you see? This is how it is. Deny all you want but this IS how it IS!" Wouldn't make a difference I suppose.
Lie all you want but I know the truth and you can tell me no different.
It'll never truely come to pass and I know that but I keep it inside my heart and tell myself that some day you'll see.
that last time it was lousy but that's what made me see how it is. It's what made me figure it all out.
Sheer and utter crazy talk. But things are going to come to pass damnit. I should get permission before publishing the fictional account of the romance and how it will never be. I owe at least that.
because.
I.
do.
love.
you.
Holy hell I've lost my mind and I have no excuse for this flagrant brand of honesty, buried as it maybe under vaugness and uncertainty.
Try as I might there just is no room for anyone else in this boat of late and don't think they aren't aware. They're trying to and we're all failing.
I know it'll never work unless it's you and me at the end of the world. So I give up. Come and go as you please, I may be here I may not.
girl on the brink
of genius
insanity
a nervous breakdown
a breakthrough
and it feels pretty good.
See beyond your nose. The view is pretty fucking good from where I'm sitting.