Argh.
I've been contemplating the rather absurd notion of pulling up stakes and just moving away somewhere. Somewhere that is not CA. Some place less expensive. Just up and go and start over again. And yes I'm aware that is just running away from the fact that currently (probably until next week) I'm miserable. Funny how problems crop up in groups.
(work, friends, family, "romanace")
So work sucks and I hate it. I never thought I would say that and actually mean it. But I did, and I do. I'm hoping it will change and I'll go back to loving it. but I'm thinking that smells like a doubtful prospect.
The suck ass thing is I don't have a lot of options about pouring out my guts. Plus there is a alot of stuff to pour.
I tend to think there are certain people in your life that you will always be a sucker for, well except if they really really do you wrong then you tend to hate their guts....... let me start this sentance over to make it more clear. There are certain people that you will always give extra patience to. They do you wrong and yet you just get over it because you have that soft spot for them. I can not explain it. I've been running from my soft spot because it's a hopeless situation. Someday I'll have to face it. I have a feeling that day is coming soon and it won't be pretty.
makes the process of getting on with your life sorta difficult too. it could be completely wacky thinking you could still have such strong feelings for one person but know it will never work out so you move on, but I refuse to live the rest of my life alone and pining for someone who has shown over and over again to really care less about my well being unless it's convient for him. (though this is becoming less and less of a problem as circus folk hasn't called in going on 4 days.)
it's a strange feeling to know that you could pack up and just go *poof* and the people you once considered so close to you probably wouldn't know for weeks. heck I'm starting to wonder if anyone would notice. It's so tempting. but I have to make money so it's not possible.