work is not going well.
work is making me upset.
work is wearing me down into a tiny nub of a person.
went and did the ritualistic exchanging of the stuff with Ryan today. he doesn't seem to get that I don't want to be his friend. he gave me my stuff and I turned to walk out and he asked me all surprised if I was going so soon. I told him I wasn;t there to chit chat.
I don't know what makes him think that the things about me he didn't like as someone he was dating would bug him less as someone who was his friend. that I was going to somehow be someone other than I am because we're just friends. I'm just me I can't change that. he keeps syaing if I change my mind I should call. I wanted to tell him that I wouldn't be changing my mind, but I just let it go. no point in being a harsh bitch. I just wouldn't feel comfortable talking about what's going on in my life with him. he likes ot think he's an easy person to talk to but he's really not. he makes these judgements and he doesn't even see that he's doing it. he once told me I wasn't helping matters by not talking to my dad. I should have known then that it wouldn't work. what does he know about things anyway. his parents are still together. his father didn't trade him and his mom in for a new family. *sigh*
I am so textbook. all my problems with men stem from my dad I know this. just haven't figured out how to fix it yet.
oh I'm so tired. I got 9 hours of sleep last night and I'm still just bone tired. I try so hard at work to get everything done and I never can get it all. I practically break my neck only to have someone yell at me about something I didn't do. I can't do it all. I'm not super girl, and if I was I sure as hell wouldn't work there.
one thing I do miss about Ryan, cuddling. I could use cuddling right now. oh well. life moves on, thankfully it moves on.