I got some stupid chain mail today...
a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
I'm always bad at recognizing which someone is suppose to be. I guess I want everyone to be a lifetime and the world doesn't work that way. there are only a handful of lifetimes and a whole lot more reasons and seasons. but how can I tell which is which?
what's worth fighting for and what's not? nothing feels worth fighting for these days. not one damn thing. and yet I keep fighting though I told myself I wouldn't. I told myself to just let it go, let it die. I should listen to myself more often.
I look back at the things that I thought would wreck me. things that I thought to myself "if this happens I'll die" well guess what I'm not dead so why should any of this be any different.
jobs come and go people come and go. and maybe it's not as bad as it all seems.
everything happens for a reason. (nothing to do with reason season or lifetimes that's something else entirely)
what's the reason here? not sure yet. there could be so many. things are not always how they look. somebody may look like they have it made but they really just wish they were someone else.
somebody I met once died the other day.
somebody else I met lots of times is dying.
random, can't really find a reason for it either. maybe everything doesn't happen for a reason. I don't know I don't have the answers. maybe shit just happens and we have to figure out a reason or we'll spin of the planet because we have nothing to hold onto, but in actuality there is no reason for it. well wouldn't that just suck.
considering it all.
calm
collected
levelheaded
like never before when faced with what I'm faced with
not that you would know since I've been wiping my nose with my sleeve.
I may look like a wreck but the moral of the story is things are not as they seem.
either that or look both ways before crossing the street.
(and in the non vauge tone they offered me a new position at work no raise same hours big old lateral movement. but I'm still employed.... might have to get a second job to pay the bills. my new name tag will read zombiechickenpie, but no creditors breathing down my neck.
things with the boyfriend are trying to be better. the jury is out. we're working at it though. he gave a little I gave a little it could really work fancy that)