you should see the wind outside.
I live in some sort of weird wind valley or something and it just blows like crazy.
that's how my insides feel.
like there is this huge wind blowing... stirring up dust.
I'm so up and down lately.
I've noticed how quiet I've been (not here. here I've been not quite at all.... maybe because I don't have anywhere else to let it out)
I just want to scream but I know if I open my mouth no sound will come out.
nothing. not even a strangled croak.
like this nightmare I have a lot where I'm trying to get away from something or someone there are all these people around that could help me but I can't scream. So whatever it is gets me and everyone just stands by, out of reach while it happens.
I hate that dream. I wake up feeling so helpless. can't lift a fucking finger to save.
what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm angry with myself.
what the fuck am I waiting for?
the time to do something is now.
anything.
start figuring out how the pieces fit, make something work, do something good, save the fucking world...... it's better than crawling in a hole and giving up.