sometimes I wake up and I'm completely disoriented. I have no idea where I am, what time it is, or what is suppose to be going on. I do generally know who I am which in theory is good. anyhow I went to go have a "little" nap around 6...... I just now woke up. of course I have to be up for work in about five hours from now so I've pretty much screwed myself over here. *sigh* what else is new.
as always there is complications on the dating front of my life. these things never ever go smoothly. probably because often I make trouble where there doesn't need to be any.
there are too many boys interested in me that I'm not interested in that way. unfortunately friendship with most of them is ruled ut because their crushes on me make me terribly uncomfortable. and that sucks.
and then there is Ryan and I'm pretty confused by the whole thing. things seemed to be going well, and now they seem to be not going as well, or possibly not going well, or I don't really know how they are going. or if they are going at all because we've barely spoken to each other in a week. I'm getting tired of the insinuations that I'm being crazy when I bring up things like we haven't met each others friends. he just can't seem to see it form my perspective what that stuff means. when you like somebody you want them to meet your friends. when you don't want someone you're dating to meet your friends that usually means there is some sort of great shame involved. this is common knowledge that boys don't seem to understand, or maybe they do and he just doesn't want to admit it and implicate himself. I don't know.
me and my dating conspiracy theories. I'm tired of thinking that everyone is just out to get you, out to screw you over or use you in some way.... or that they just want you for one reason or one aspect of you, instead of for all of you.
I think I'm just having a bad day and thinking the worst of everything and everyone.
and damnit I hate when I can't tell the difference between a real problem, something I see that might be a problem in the future but isn't a problem yet, or could in fact never ever be a problem at all I just have an over active imagination... I really hate that because if it will never ever be a problem and I start poking it with a stick it will become a problem even if it was never meant to be one. cause lets face it nothing likes to be poked with a stick. anyone having some sort of perverted thought right about there should just keep their mouths shut cause they know full and well that isn't what I'm talking about
and then there is the hockey guy.
yea, you know me and trouble, where one is the other will follow.
alright I'm off to yard, I have to find a nice long pointy stick because I have things to poke at.