alright, alright, alright. I'm back.
I feel like I should give a right on, right on about it. Only if, for David Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. "I love me a redhead." I don't even know if that is an exact quote.
not the matter here at hand. The matter at hand is.... you can run from who you are but you can not hide. I realized that tonight. Sitting across the table from my antithesis.
I am the nutball. I am the angerball. California or Arizona it is who I am. Drunken nutball if you want to get specific. I'm telling stories and he's looking at me and I know.... to him I'm crazy. and maybe I am crazy.
but I came home to the most beautiful thing. Just a little message from becky that made my crazy all worth it. A million times I wished she would pick sides. A million times I wishes she would take my weight and she always remained neutral which makes it all the more worth it. She is a gem, a nugget of gold. Those moments when I feel slightly ashamed of who I am she comes through to remind me that I do really have my moments. It makes me feels sick of what has happened to her because of me. And maybe it's not because of me really, I never pleeded my case or tried to make her choose. I mean I wished she would but never pressed the issue. And in the end I came out with the spoils.
Don't get me started, you hurt someone I love and I'm like a rabid dog. Fuck, I should just say do something that could be hurtful because I don't think she was all the hurt by it.
Should I have mouthed off? Some people would think no but I think yes. It's completely unfair and I'm not gonna be silent about it. Oddly enough it was a trait about me that the people I'm now upset with about it always loved me for when it was in their favor. In a perfect world they would understand but alas this isn't a perfect world. Hilarious when you could get beaten down for something that someone once loved about you but that is human nature, yes? It's all good until it's not in your favor.
Fuck that.
I am who I am and I don't care who it's towards. I once defended you with incredible force, do not expect that I won't for someone else against you.