As much as I would like to deny it, I am aware that I am in some ways a die hard romantic. I wish that I could be more practical. But I am not and that's just the way it is. (Hmm a practical statement about not being practical. lovely)
Late at night I scam up ways that I could get JB to start talking to me again. You know some big romantic scene I'll never actually pull because let's face it I'm an undercover romantic. A romantic in complete denial. Not to mention the possibility of humilation and hardcore rejection are very likely. I just don't want to do that. It's enough to sit and cry about the the stupid every couple of days and no one really knows about that so let's not bring it up again, shall we? Great.
If not apparent enough HWLT is so gone it's not even funny. We were never really anything serious anyhow. BUt I'm done with it. I hate it when people play games. At first he professed all this interest in me and chased me.... and then could suddenly care less about spending time with me. Well that's dandy fine with me. If you can't make up your mind I'll make it up for you. I'm sure he thinks this is some game battle of wills who will give in and call first but it's not.
I will not say it was a mistake to get involved with him in the first place it really wasn't. He's a nice guy but there is no emotional attachment. I can't even really talk to him about anything. Mostly it was just to protect myself. I couldn't let myself sit and brood..... or worse yet get sucked in again when I knew JB was only gonna break my heart again.... and again. I'm sure he was really confused but man on my end it sucked because it was a never ending circle of "I have all these feelings for you." And my heart would get all pumped up and I would be all happy and then it would be "Well I think we'll never work out." and crash.
He's probably dating someone else by now. I actually have nightmares about this. How fucking pathetic am I? I don't what is worse. My imagination of what he might possibly be up to or if I actually knew he had a new girlfriend.
I just wonder sometimes, does he miss me, does he think about me?
and he probably doesn't. I'm the only sucker that would waste their time instead of moving on.
Why did I even waste an entry on this?
It's been 2 months I should be so over all this. I shouldn't even think of him. but obviously I do because I'm lame. No wonder he dumped me.
at least he doesn't check up on me anymore.... so he'll never know. Then again the not checking up is really a sign that he really couldn't give a fuck. Which he doesn't so I should just let it go.