ok not really feeling like I'm ruling much right now. I'm gonna rule my bed for a couple of hours right after I finish this entry because my knees are killing me.
so now onto the topic I keep coming back to and can't seem to drop even though I would like to kind of forget about it.... Jason.
Sara saw him online yesterday. for a split second. He didn't email me. I don't know why I'm so dissapointed, or why I hold my breath when I check my email. I knew this would happen. It always happens. *shrug* Chickenpie gets love she just can't keep love. or lust, or crushes, or like, whatever you would like to call it.
Becky and I are in this position that seperates us from Julie and Sara, though Becky and I handle it very differently. (Shit I don't know how to say this with out someone getting upset) oh well.... disclaimer! the following is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings or make them feel bad this is just how I see things....... Becky and I are the sidekicks.... guys do not instantly fall for us and think we are the best thing since sliced bread (even though we are... as established before guys do not see this because boys are dumb.) Julie and Sara have that thing... whatever it is I don't know. Becky and I don't have that.... we have other things, but not that nameless whatever "oh my god she is so hot" thing. I think we're both pretty used to it and ok with it most of the time. Most of the time I just feel like memebers of the opposite sex just don't see me. Or maybe they do and that's the problem. I really don't know.
But for a second I had that thing.... that spark, that oomph... or Jason thought I had it. I almost believed him that I had it. Almost. I guess that's why I keep that little birthday candle of hope lit in my mind....... and even though it's time to blow it out you can damn well bet I'll be making a wish.