I finally got off my lazy ass and hooked up the computer at home. home. strange word. but it's starting to feel like home all the same. it's weird to have my own space. when I lived in northridge I lived alone and it really never felt like mine. this feels like mine even though I do not live alone. no I most definately do not live alone.
my roomate is a friend from work. quite a few years older than me with a starnge assortment of friends that drop by..... they have informed me that I could be the queen of the poolhall if I so chose to be which is funny since Yankeebelle and H2opologirl can attest I can not play pool worth a damn...... I don't think I really want to be queen of the poolhall but nice to know someone thinks I could be (doesn't sound like that hard of feat.) more on that at a later date.
First off The White Stripes. it rocked..... rocked so hard it gave me a charlie horse. and I had a small brush with fame in the vein of brushing past Jack before the show. we weren't sure if it was him or not he just kept walking around and no one seemed to take much notice of him in his suit and bowler hat. but it was most definatly him. that man can play guitar like no one's buisness..... and Meg, well she's just plain cool.
I got the impression that dear jack might be slightly insane though. there is just something manic about him..... a look in his eye if something as small as that can tell the state of anyone's mind. if he turns out to be a genius I wouldn't be surprised. cause the women of Detroit won't leave Jack white alone (eh not the actual quote I don't think but close enough)
Second off D's sister's wedding. very nice very fun. I got hit on by the best man who isn't half bad looking. he's family now so I'm sure I'll run into him again at some other "family" function. only for D would I dance to Bandera music though I simply refused for the Spanish version of "My Achey Breaky Heart" weddings create complex emotions. I don't ever see myself getting married for many many reasons but you can't help but think what it would be like after you go to one. stupid girlie shit like dresses, flowers, colors and centerpieces. D's next I'm pretty sure.... give her about 2 years and there I'll be in a bridesmaid's dress looking uncomfortable.......now there is a funny thought.
ok and the other stuff I've been meaning to talk about.
Eric. ick. I don;t know what to say about that. I want to call but I don't want to call. I have an enormous amount of nerves over the whole thing. I don't know what would be worse him not remembering who I am, him remembering and hating me....... or that there was some other girl way back when. That really shouldn't bother me considering the cirsumstances, it's not like I want to get back together with him. but I could see myself getting sucked in but part of me really needs to know how he is. why what happened happened I'm not as concerned about as I was before. I think I know and it's not something I want to hear from him. I think it enough in my head as it is. so I'm waiting until I know what to say or the urge passes me up entirely.
and then there is this other thing I've been turning in my brain. maybe not the best thing for me but something that has caught my attention. I know how to pick them...... and I mean that about everything not just boys.
every time you think you're starting anew the past comes up just enough to remind you it's still there standing behind you looking over your shoulder waiting for youto fuck up. and I'm determined to prove it wrong this time which really when you think about is a recipe for making the biggest mess I possibly can..... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'm not sure if I totally believe that anymore. self serving good intentions maybe......