I knew the shit was going to hit the fan today and boy did it in a big way. for months every little thing that happens I've been calling it the kick in the ass I've needed and now I'm serious. (Yes, I hear you all saying "Pie, you've always said you're serious." But damn it, I am serious.)
I have a drink in one had a cigareete in the other... ok not at this minute because I'm typing.
my insides are shaking all over.
Ive been crying for hours now.
if you know, you know. If you don't.... you don't.
I work with really wonderful people. Ms. PR and Puppy Mommy rule. despite this I feel terribly alone because I'm the only one who can do anything for myself right now.
now or never.... it's time to get my shit together. blessing in disguise mother fucker. this is so vauge and jumbled but that how I am... completely vauge and jumbled right now.
I saw four shooting stars on the way to work the other morning in the pitch black and I made four wishes. maybe one of them will come true this weekend.
this is when I curse not having someone. even if Tardy came to my door right now I couldn't cry on his shoulder because I just don't think he would understand.
how did I get where I am?
how did it all happen?
could I even trace the events if I knew?
fuck, did I bring my laundry in?
this is it.
fish or cut bait. or phish... blah I never liked them anyway.
I have two weeks to get my life in order. this will all be settled before the clock chimes midnight on my birthday. I'm making this promise to myself. I will not turn 25 and have it all be the same old same old just passing days..... I will not! It's a big one, 25. Dear lord I'll no longer be MTV's target audience. too old to be on TRL, Road Rules or Real World.
not a fucking thing to show for anything. except a bunch of bills, some damaged organs, a string of people I don't talk to and who don't talk to me....
I need another drink.
2 weeks and counting to change my life.
wish me luck?
ps. great american smokeout can kiss my lily white ass, I'd like to see them have my job.