so I took a day to myself today. the roomates invited me out to watch football but, well it's football.
instead I drove down to Balboa Park. It was beautiful outside so why not spend a little time in the sunshine. I had a strange flashback......... years ago the original dirty art boy and I used to go to the park and take polaroids... photo field trips. he would use them in his paintings. (Did I mention he got married not too long ago? Cause he did.)
one of the times we went they had drained a fountain because they were repairing it (the one if front of the organ pavillion with the half shell, for those SD people) well I climbed inside it, laid on the half shell and we took a picture. I still have it somewhere.
Odd how things change. When we talk it's so stilted and we honestly have nothing to say to each other when we used to be able to talk about nothing for hours before.
He's changed, I've changed. It's not that I don't like the person he's become, it's just not the same. Occasionally I pick up the phone just to let him know I'm still alive, but we never talk long.
sometimes people come into your life for a certain reason, for a function. to get you through something or so you get them through something.... or if only to teach you a lesson.
he's sort of a place where I mark men at because some day I would like to find someone as good as he is. He just wasn't the one for me.
someone told me that I chose people that aren't worthy of me... well something like that. so of course that got me thinking. I'm not ready for someone "worthy" of me whatever that means. I'm finding more and more that I like that dating thing where you're getting to know someone, on that fence of do you like them do you not like them.... the game of what it all means. picking people apart and trying to figure them out. I'm not so much in it for the "this will be the love of my life" aspect. My mom told my grandmother to stop praying that I'll meet a nice Catholic man and get married and join the church. She told my grandmother I had far too many things to do before I could get married. That and mom isn't all that concerned with my joining the church..... would probably rather I didn't.
with all that said I won't say there are not guys out there that I find interesting and attractive and wouldn't like to get to know better. I can think of a few. Though some of them I am far too chicken to even bother. Mostly because if he didn't find me interesting and attractive I'd feel rather stupid. Not to mention the whole publicness of it all.
better to keep my boys (not the boys) seperate from things I do with my friends.
well now that I've rambled and pontificated I think there is a cigarette to be smoked and some slippers to wear... oh yes and some John Mayer to be listened to....."Break Away" my fav of the moment....