There are days when I want to completely re-do this diary. make it into something else.
which I guess is kinda silly because this whole thing is pretty true to me. when the boy read it for the first time he told me he thought it was "cute"
luckily there was nothing handy to throw at his head. but he's right, it is cute. it's not groundbreaking, or profound or incredibly stimulating.... it's cute.... cause I'm cute.
I really hate that word. I'm sure there are girls out there that would die to be "cute" because you always want to be what you're not. Like, I would like to be some sexy vampy sexpot....... but you see I'm "cute" like a puppy or a kitten. fuzzy and harmless...... like nermal from the garfield cartoons.... only not stupid. well most of the time not stupid.
when did being cute become a bad thing to me? when I was fourteen I was all about the being cute I strived for cute. now cute is like an insult. I wonder why we can all just be happy with what we are. why can't I be happy with being cute?
why can't I be happy with this stupid journal being cute? it's a fair representation of me....... I read other people's and go damn why can't I do that?
though I guess in the end it's better to be far more impressed with other people than with yourself . don't ask me why I think that I just do.