quick entry.
last night the KFC Ryan and I went had just been robbed. I hate those robbers they robbed me of my popcorn chicken because they closed right as we got there while the police were there *sigh* no popcorn chicken for us.
an interesting thing happened last night. we talked about my dad and he did the Chris thing which is to basically tell me how I should be handling the situation. which of course pissed me off because I hate it when someone else thinks they know how I should be running my life better. but we talked about it and he did the un-Chris thing which was apologize and say he was an ass and that he shouldn't have said what he said and that he only said it because he cares not that he was really trying to tell me what to do. which was nice. he redeemed himself which was good.
he seems to be a pretty dang patient understanding guy which is good. he's gonna need it if he really wants to deal with me because let's face it I'm nuts. I'm sure he tired of trying to drag information out of me.... which is weird that he would have to considering I'm usually an overflowing fount of information.... it's just different this time. I guess I'm just stepping lightly. somehow listing all my failures in life and how much I've screwed up isn't fun date material. he doesn't know how much of mess I've made in my life and as much as I would like to tell him just so it was out in the open I also don't want him to know how much of a fuck up I can be. we're just in such different places he has his life all in order and figured out and I'm clueless and drifting, trying to pretend like everything is fine. anyone with eyes can see that it is not fine but I don't know if I'm ready to do anything about it not being fine and even if I did want to do something about it I wuldn't know how to start.
Did I say quick entry? I'm such a liar.
sometimes things just fall together in my head and they have to come out and for the first time this week things are coming together and making a smidgen of sense. or at least I know why they weren't making sense before.
maybe it'll be easier now. easier to tell him things he wants to know. I'm usually not secretive and closed off like I have been.
maybe the panic attacks will stop now, cause I'd really hate for Sara to have to come and kick my ass because I screwed something else up.
speaking of Sara.... I wonder how my formal reading went.