There are so many things to address today. I almost don't know where to begin. I'll start with the holes. It's a perfectly fine place to start. I was thinking the other day that if you ever printed my life out on paper there would be all these little holes where all different kinds of people have been neatly cut out of my life. "I'm sorry, I don't like you anymore... snip snip snip. You no longer exist to me." Not just I don't like you anymore but various other reasons.... like sitting with an exacto knife cutting names out of pages of books. It just leaves a little tiny rectangular window that you might actually see what's on the other side, or possibly what was behind you, depending on which page the name fell on.
I've never really had a problem with it. I am not one of those people who can sit there and look at them and pretend everything is ok when I'm angry with them. I choose not to socialize with those who piss me off unlike my dear roomates who all sit here with the "friends" and then the next day all call each other and talk shit about the same people they were just hanging out with the night before.
Fucking ridiculous. Just proves the point that adult life is not all that different from being in high school.
I had pretty much *snip* snip* *snipped* my dad right out of my life. Only it wasn't as simple as it had been with former friends and associates. Snipping them is merely little paper bonds but DNA isn't so easy to cut. Point being I'm taking the check. And I'm writing him a letter explaining why I stopped talking to him. That it wasn't about money but that I appreciate the money. I don't know if I'm going to exactly purge my guts.... but I'm going to let him know some things I've been holding back for awhile. What's it going to do? Right now hopefully not a damn thing. I'm not ready. I might never be ready. I don't know if I want a relationship with him because maybe it's just not worth it to me. I can't just ignore that he gave me a big sum of money. He should know why I'm mad at him. I guess.
Back to the snipping. I don't kow if I hve ever been snipped out of someone's life the way I snip people out of mine. I'm sure I have but I suppose it was never anyone I really wanted to talk to anyhow. It was a mutual snipping on both parts, never to look back. Except for JB, he snipped me. It's as if I never existed. And that really pisses me off. I tried to put it aside and forget about it but I think he has a few pieces of my mind coming to him. I'll still be snipped but at least I'll have had my say. And I know him. He's curious. He'll have to read it. I think I'll actually send it through the mail. There is something about that because you forget about it because you know it won't be there for a couple of days. Or he and I live close enough that it takes about one day but anyhow. It's time for me to start tying up loose ends, everyone is telling me to let it go but I can't. So I'm going to do things my way. I'm aware that my way usually fucks everything up but I don't care because it's my way.
HWLT... well I think that has run it's course. And oh well.
Ms PR called me yesterday that she has some guy she wants me to meet. Or her husband had a coworker or something like that. Anyhow they are trying to set me up. What the hell. What could it hurt anyhow. But that is another story for another day.