I really can't recall a time when I've felt more alone. and yet I'm surrounded by people. I just want to give my heart to someone and be understood. and I'm not talking love I'm just talking trust. I'm tired of having my trust thrown in my face to taunt me and tell me that I make stupid choices. I trust all the wrong people.
I'm so tired of putting myself out there.
sometimes I think that if only people could see themselves how I see them maybe they would understand why I care about them and why I like them and maybe they wouldn't lie and backstab and all the other numerous shit that has happened to me this year.
I'm tried of caring about people when they could give a shit about me and my feelings.
and why is that even the nice guys aren't really nice guys?
I'm must have done somehing seriously bad in a past life to deserve this.
I'm tired of being the one to apologize.... I was thinking earlier that I shouldn't be so stubborn..... but now I don't know because it just seems when I try to f;lexible and work things out I get walked all over. I'm not a doormat.... or if I am I just don't want to be.
and I'm tired of crying over people who aren't worth it. if I could have saved all the tears I shed over people for no damn good reason I would have my own lake in the backyard.
sometimes I think it wouldn't be such a horrible thing if a random bolt of lighting hit me and struck me dead. at least it would be quick and relatively painless unlike the reast of this shit. if this is a growing experience I'm gonna end up a redwood.