I thought I saw a shooting star tonight. But it was just the moon reflecting off some glitter stuck in my eyelashes..... somehow I don't think you can wish on a piece of glitter.
My house is unbearable. everyone has opinion...... They really don't understand (sounds all woe is me but not really.) This just isn't your basic break up. They act like I'm wrapping myself in black and throwing shrouds over the mirrors. I went out to dinner tonight and had a good time.... I'm not exactly holing myself and asking the world to stop so I don't see a problem with listening to a little sad music occasionally because that's how I feel. I'm sad, it's not a crime. It's not even ruling my life. So I just stay up late and do my crying after everyone's in bed. If I don't cry now it'll eat through me like acid rain and start spouting ut of my pores and some really inconvient time.
I'm in a bad position. Once you bear that soft side you can never shove it back into it's shell. It's just there oozing out. I still care about him alot. I can't just turn it off.
I just don't know if I'm strong enough to hold us both up. I'm afraid if I have to make a choice, it won't be me. I have this brilliant support system, all these people watching my back and it seems like he only has me. It might be just because of his pride, but if I leave him on his own he'll be all alone.
It's like being in a crisis. You just march on, you take care of your wounded. You drag them to safety and take inventory of the damage to your system later.
I'm not mad at him, and he's not a bad person. He's a great person. If he wasn't I wouldn't waste the time. I couldn't be enough for him before in the way I wanted to be so I can be enough for him now in the way he needs me. If the wheel keeps working it'll come back to me someday.
Sometimes you fight for somebody, not because it'll bring them back to you, but because they just need someone to fight for them. If I give up on him then he'll believe all this nonsense he's built up. And someday there will be someone who will need him to not give up on them and hopefully he won't.