talked to the guy who stood me up on the Fourth of July. he had no excuse.he is young and stupid and blew his one chance though I doubt he's all the concerned about it.
so that's been the second random "I thought I had been blown off but they were just being really quiet" conversation in the past few days. who next? the EMT? no I think not...... Jason. possible but doubtful. he would be the big monkey wrench in my dating life, if suddenly dropped back in after these couple of weeks of silence I don't know what I would do. panic? probably.throw myself on the mercy of the girls for advice.... of course. honestly what would I do? I don't know what Jaosn wants from me. I don't think he knows what he wants from me. I sure as hell don't really have a clear picture of what I want from him..... there are bits and pieces I can make out, but no panoramic wide scope view. not really something I should worry about because face it he won't be getting in touch me anytime soon.
surfer guy flaked on calling me back tonight so no plan has been set to see each other again in the near future..... not sweating it. I like him better than any of the other boys I've seen lately but one date does not heartbreak make.
but I have to say... though I'll only say it very quietly I like this boy. that'll probbaly fuck it all up. I'm actually excited at the prospect of seeing him again, and that is........ well, it's new and unfamilar because lets face the boys haven't been bringing me much excitement these days just a lot of dissapointment. so cross your toes for me..... or something. I'm still looking for his flaw. everyone has one. most people have many. it's just how really unbearable the flaw(s) is/are to you that makes you want to still be around a person in spite of the flaw(s). haven't found his flaw yet... not calling me back tonight was a chip, but not a ful blown flaw.
so we'll see.