Back from the Heidi goat herding duties. It's good to be back in my own house, in my own bed.
I did get to spend some quality time with my mother though which was nice.
I'm feeling like I have no time these days. Maybe I'm taking my job too seriously. And maybe I want to leave there and do something else. I don't know.
I've been a little on the down side of late and I feel like I got myself a plate full of responsibilties that I can not live up to. I feel like I'm letting people down because I just don't have the energy to be around them. I don't have the energy to be around anyone. I'm listless and growing myself a ball of unrest and possible unhappiness.
All the dynamics of my relationships are changing. I'm not thrilled with the changes but can not bring myself to do anything about it. I want to tell everyone no, and let them go on their merry ways in their merry lives. And leave me unencumbered and untaxed.
I want my easy simple life of a year ago back where I knew where I was going and what I was doing, when things just worked out. But maybe it wasn't easy then. Maybe I'm forgetting how hard it was. It doesn't matter because I can't take it back, I can't do it again. Nothing will make it all right. Even when I step into that state of mind momentarily it doesn't feel right.
It's hard to maintain anything when I don't even know when I'm around from day to day. I have no part of my life that is routine where I could tell someone I will be here at this time on this day. I feel as if I have no space to breath easy.
This too shall pass.
Until it does I think I'm going hermit.
World be damned.