oh what do you know it fucking can get worse.
I hate people sometimes.
work is the miserbale pits.
yesterday it was ok.
today it sucks.
I'm tired of being nice to people. I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of my forhead blinking some invisible sign to everyone that I don't see that says "Hey. I'm your doormat, please wipe your feet." I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of having no one to talk to anymore.
in some ways I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of having no one to lean on. I suppose that's growing up and it's not that I don't have some really great friends out there because I do but it's just somehow not the same. I never thought I would say it but right at this very second I wish someone would just take care of me. Someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright and mean it someone to do something that would make it all alright.
sometimes I just wish someone would pluck my eyes out so I wouldn't be able to cry anymore.
I'm trying to not take it all so personally but it's so fucking hard.
I'm tired of people telling me I have so much going for me.
I feel so fucking stupid right now.
I've just had enough of half truths, and dishonesty. and hypocritical people.... well I'll tell you where they can go.
You know what I'm the most tired of? I'm tired of..... people who do awful, hurtful, thoughtless things and then try to pretend like it's not so bad to shred someone's feelings and that we should all make nice because there are somehow entitled to being an asshole at the expense of others.
I'm tired of being expendable.
I'm tired of not being treated with care.
I'm so fucking nice to people most of the time... until I'm really pushed. I just want someone to be nice to me for a change.
what is it about me that is so bad?
that makes people think it's ok to treat me badly? I'd really like to know.