So Sara and I were talking about Chris this morning. This is never a good topic.
After I got offline to go take a shower and get ready for work I really started thinking about things. For some reason I get my best thinging done in the shower, maybe because washing your hair and stuff is not all the complicated, I don't know.
But anyway, I came to some big old conclusions, and there wasn't even any jumping involved. Conclusions had been there all along playing hide-and-seek with me.
Conclusion 1: Chris=loser, ok this is not a new conclusion. The newness part would be he was a loser all along I just wanted to think I had better taste. I did not. He is also not a very good person. Yes he can do good things and has on mnay occasions. This does not make him a good person, he uses these things as leverage against you when you're not doing what he wants you to do. I can't count how many times I've heard him say "Didn't I do something nice for you? How can you do this to me with everything I do for you?" or things to that effect. Loser.
an addendum to this is he is purposely aggravating and unsupportive if it seems that you're doing something that you enjoy but he does not, or something that takes the attention off him. I can't seem to explain this in any better way.
Conclusion 2: Chris has not much of a life of his own so of course he's going to dissaprove of mine. I started thinking and realized all of his intresting stories he has. None of them happened to him, they all happened to his friends, and 90% of the time he wasn't even there when they happened. The few stories he does have happened so long ago, really they just don't count anymore. He can't ever let anything that will someday make a good story happen to him because that would mean he wasn't in control of the situation. He's so concerned about his image and hello he's a big chubby guy who dresses badly, if he's so worried about his image than why doesn't he worry what he looks like more? Yes totally catty and yet totally truthful.
Conclusion 3: He's a hypocrite. I'm not even going to explain this one I would be here all day.
Conclusion 4: he's a liar, the sad thing is he believes his own lies. his lies are those devious kinda that are so close to the truth but just enough off to go "What the fuck is he talking about?" the worst thing is that in his lies he has excuses for everything that completely contradict what really happened, but in order to make himself feel better he has to change history to something he can live with, an image that doesn't make him ashamed of himself or feel guilty. I know I've done bad things, and I admit it.
(I won't list them here because this is my diary and well no need for me to drag out shit I'm sorry I did that is way old news just for a balanced report on the me and Chris situation. because this is a "chris is as bad as me maybe worse" entry. not a "Erika is bad we hate her" entry.)
I'm just looking back and thinking. Why did I let Chris disaaprove of me? What's so great about him that he can judge me? He's such a loser. What did I ever see in him. He's chubby, and hairy, and worse he's not a nice person. I could deal with the chubby and hairy if he was nice but mostly he's just a controlling freak who would like to think he's my father giving me "guidance". Well fuck him... and I'm an embarrassment to his life!?! well........ HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! That gives me some serious belly laughs there. yea whatever you self important, hypocritcal liar. You're an embarrassment to my life too because I can do so much better, and have, and will again. And you you'll just be alone and sad and still hating yourself as much as you always have. (ok I really gave into the cattiness there)
I hope I never think about him in a way that makes me worry or lose sleep again. Not worth it.
"I believe you know me well,
I react like you're ringing a bell,
are you sorry that you treat me unkind?
never you mind."